What we think of Valentine’s Day 2020

To mark the 2020 Valentine’s Day, we made a number of videos to answer some questions that young people have about valentine. Find our playlist on the valentine’s day below. Happy viewing

How I quit Smoking | A story of Dirty Lungs and a Good Heart

In modern societies today, the rate of smoking habits keep increasing. Hence, the extreme difficulty associated with efforts to quit smoking. This is in spite of the various health disasters people know that such habit would bring and in spite of the clearly written label on cigarette packs that ‘smokers are liable to die young’. Some have argued that the caveat only applies to cigarette smokers, but not marijuana smokers, but this has been proven to be wrong!

Also, the use of shisha pots and vape pens has been a trending culture for some time. I can’t exactly say that shisha and vaporizers have the same effects as the traditional smoking culture, but it depends on the quality of the shisha/vape pen and the content or flavor being inhaled. Such devices with major parts made of rubber or plastic materials could be cancerous, but who knows? 

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These devices generate and/or insulate heat which reacts with the materials it is made of. We all know that high temperature has never been good friends with rubber and plastic. Moreover, while flavors from mint or other healthy herbs could be beneficial to the health but do not make you quite high, other variants like tobacco and cannabis would be adverse to the health.

This story is not about shisha or vape pens because these materials do not exactly produce smoke. They involve an indirect heating of the substance which produces the vapor or steam that is inhaled. Smoking, on the other hand, involves a direct burning of the substance which produces carbon monoxide (smoke) that is inhaled.

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People mostly smoke cigarettes, cigars, and marijuana, also called Indian hemp or Cannabis. Marijuana or Cannabis has been given many nicknames including; ìgbó, weed, pot, dope, kush, joint, blau, spliff, jombo, claro, maryjane, arizona, skonk, ganja, among others. I could go on and on condemning the habit of smoking, stating how it destroys your vital organs and that you should totally avoid it. But I think that would be cliché and may not bring any exclusive benefit from reading this, for the simple reason that when you searched ‘ effects of smoking in the body’ on Google, you got all the information in that regard. So I will tell a story. It’s the odyssey of a Nigerian who started smoking as a teenager and grew with the habit but later stopped after some life-changing ordeal.

 

How it all began

“10 minutes to go, start rounding up”, bellowed the examiner as Iyanu was putting the finishing touches to his drawing. The West African Senior Secondary School Certificate Examinations (WAEC/WASSCE) had been going on for a while now and it was all smooth for him till that point. He was a brilliant kid who was always among the top three positions in his class. He was and still is good at the visual arts. The Fine Arts examination was the last paper and the excitement was building. In a few minutes, he would be done with Secondary School.

“Time up! Submit your papers!”, the examiner’s voice resounded across the hall. Having finished, he submitted his papers, then raced outside to join other classmates of his. Shouts of joy echoed outside as the Junior students congratulated them. They signed autographs and draw funny signs on their uniforms, as is the culture in many Nigerian Secondary Schools. Iyanu joined his classmates to the hostel. When two of them, Ciroma and Emeka prepared to go out and have fun. He was excited and wanted to join them too. So they agreed.

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The first ecstasy with Maryjane

Iyanu wanted to know where they were headed. But they told him to just relax and come along. They would have some really good time and that was all that mattered. He thought it would probably be a hotel, bar or night club, so he didn’t really bother. After all, he is a big boy now and can take care of himself. Contrary to his presumption, they didn’t go to a hotel or bar. Instead, they bought some alcohol at a supermarket, then went to a stream which was in a jungle behind the school premises. 

There, he saw some men and women, older than they were. They sat around; drinking, smoking, and playing music from portable speakers. Ciroma smiled and said to Iyanu; “Welcome to the zanga!” “This is the dopest bonk in the area where you’ll get higher than the skies”, said Emeka. Iyanu knew this place was no good, but he couldn’t just tell his friends he did not like it. That would not be cool. The cigarette and some other grass they were smoking was just much. Although he could handle a bottle of beer or two, he was not a smoker. “Make una come siddon” said one of the guys there, looking at them with bloodshot red eyes. Iyanu sat down on a bench with his friends and they opened the drinks. 

“What is that dry grass those guys are rolling and smoking?” Iyanu asked his friends. “it’s weed. It makes you strong and smart, we call it the royal highness” Emeka said. “Don’t worry! You’ll get a taste of the real deal today”, said Ciroma. He went over to the guy with red eyes and bought some of the weed.

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Emeka and Ciroma rolled some of the weed in a  thin triangular paper, then gave a roll to Iyanu. He knew from school, that weed is a hard drug. He also hear that it was illegal and drives people crazy. But all these people were smoking it and they were not acting crazy. He was quite curious to know how it feels, so he took a drag, but could not get the smoke into his lungs. His friends showed him how to breathe it in, or he would not feel the highness. So he took a drag and swallowed the smoke. It hurt his throat, making him cough. They urged him to take in little drags since it was his first time. He did so and was able to handle the smoke with less cough.

At first, he felt nothing. But after 10 minutes of inhaling the weed, he started feeling happy. As the cannabinoids started taking action in his brain, he felt ecstatic. Gradually, he started enjoying himself. The music sounded much better, the environment became very colorful and he felt elated. He felt he could do anything now. He started talking more freely to his friends. Then he courageously went over to the guy with red eyes and shook his hands in greetings. He felt strong. So he started dancing to the music while singing along.

He was full of energy but soon ran out of breath. So he sat down and started talking to himself. He was hallucinating and everyone could hear him stage a coup d’etat. He would become the Nigerian president, legalize marijuana and travel to Las Vegas. After some time, he started singing and dancing again, telling everyone to come and join him. These continued for about 2 hours. When he finally got tired, he sat down. “Damn! I’m hungry! Can we go get something to eat?” He asked his friends. Emeka and Ciroma finished their second roll of weed, then bade goodbye to red eyes and others, then they took their leave.

 

Did you know?

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Cannabinoids are the active nutrients in Marijuana, with Delta-9 Tetrahydrocannabinol(THC) being one of the most active. THC mimics a natural cannabinoid chemical in the brain called Anandamide. Like Anandamide, THC sends messages between neurotransmitters of the brain, affecting areas of the brain that control pleasure (such as sex and food), memory, thinking, concentration, movement, sensory reception, and time perception. It also has the ability to trigger the flooding release of a hormone called Dopamine in a dose that is way higher than it’s natural release. When this hormone is released to the brain, it activates parts of the brain that control feelings of happiness and ecstasy. This causes the euphoric ‘high’ that a person experiences. 

The first introduction of Iyanu’s teenage brain to THC gave him a unique experience. There is no high like the first high of marijuana. It may not always be euphoric for every first-timer. To some people, it could have the effect of discomfort, confusion, and loss of personal identity. But whatever the feeling, the first time is always unique and the experience cannot be like subsequent highs.

 

From the first Smoke, onto the next one

Iyanu and his friends went to a restaurant to eat. They ate so much before being satisfied. He had never eaten that much food in his life. When they got back to the hostel, he went straight to his bed and fell asleep. He slept like never before, from 2 pm to 10 pm.

The next day, he packed his bags and went home. He would never forget the experience of the day before. He knew that smoking was not good for his health. But doing it one time wouldn’t hurt anyone. During the holidays, a period of waiting for University admission notification, he enrolled for computer lessons. He did not have any urge to smoke again and seldom thought about it.

Some weeks later, the computer program was coming to an end and there would be a send forth party. During the party, some guys had weed and were smoking at a corner. He perceived the scent and was drawn to join in. That day, he got high again and it felt so good. He exchanged contacts with the guys there. That way, he could hook up with them and smoke some more during the holidays. Occasionally then, he would call the guys, go out with them into the bush or an uncompleted building where they would smoke and get high. 

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He didn’t really know these guys and they didn’t even talk much. They would just hook up, greet each other, and go smoking and playing music. It was fun, and Iyanu did not ever feel any urge to smoke. He just did it when he was bored and for recreational purposes. He had heard that weed was addictive, but he did not feel addicted to it. Whenever he wanted it and didn’t get it, he would simply forget it. At this stage, he could not roll a decent Joint and didn’t know where to buy Weed, so he smoked only when he hooked up with those guys and he only did it occasionally, like once or twice in two weeks. 

He was totally in control. And whenever he smoked he would feel more confident. He would bravely talk to girls whom he was shy to approach when sober. He would easily compose poems, write stories, draw and paint beautifully. He would dance so well to music like Chris Brown and he generally became more social. He made new friends with people who do not smoke and he had more girlfriends. He was so cool, exhibiting smartness and boldness whenever he was high. 

He figured why musicians and other celebrities take drugs a lot, and doing what Davido and Burnaboy does, made him feel like a celebrity already. Little did he know that drugs have ruined many celebrities in the past and more of them today are really trying to quit the habit. Others take expensive steps to ensure that their use of drugs are medically examined and managed in order to ensure it does not destroy them and their career. Some of the celebrities may afford to smoke and get away with it because they can always afford the medical expenses involved.

 

Campus life and Freedom to Smoke

He later got admission into a Nigerian University. He was very happy because he would be living alone, without the supervision of his parents. He would be free to do what he liked and go where he wanted at any time he deemed fit. When he resumed school, he hooked up with guys that smoke over there. They would smoke freely in their rooms in the morning before going out for lectures. This made them to be very jovial and bold with their classmates. Gradually, Iyanu started smoking more regularly. He learned how to roll a decent joint. At this time, he could easily buy Weed and smoke on his own whenever he wanted. He became very used to it, but the more he smoked, the less he would feel the high, so he started smoking more rolls and buying stronger strains or species of Cannabis just to get high. Gradually, smoking became a habit of his as he began to do it daily.

 

The Addict

One day, the Police arrested the drug dealers in town and there was no supply of Weed for a whole week. During these times, he could barely handle himself, as he had a strong urge to smoke Weed again. He became confused, shy, scattered, withdrawn and antisocial. He saw the other guys smoking cigarettes so he decided to try it, maybe he could get a bit high. The cigarette was nothing like Weed. The smoke was thicker, and it didn’t get him as high as weed. He smoked 10 sticks of cigarettes at a sitting. Even though he didn’t get high like Weed, it was an alternative that calmed down the urge to smoke Weed.

 

The Struggle to quit smoking

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Sometimes, he tried to quit smoking, knowing it was unhealthy, destructive and illegal. But he could only succeed for a few weeks and get back to it again. He tried so many times, but couldn’t get himself to quit. The urge to smoke would always defeat his will power. Without knowing it, Iyanu had become an addicted chain smoker. He would spend most of his money buying weed or cigarettes and food. Then he would lie to his parents, so they send more money. 

He didn’t want to join any bad gang, so he took the precaution of not joining any group of people who smoke together for social or recreational purposes. He knew that such groups could lead to cultism or other forms of criminal behavior. He began to spend more time indoors, smoking and playing music only. He could hardly concentrate on his books and he stopped spending time with his friends. 

 

The junkie who couldn’t quit smoking

Official SEVICS website how-to-quit-smoking How I quit Smoking | A story of Dirty Lungs and a Good Heart Lifestyle  quit smoking life change addiction management  His youthful and handsome appearance started fading. His skin shriveled. He looked older and haggard. His teeth and fingernails became discolored. The smoking habit gradually made him antisocial, his academic grades plummeted, he started dressing shabbily, he missed lectures frequently and when he attended, he would sleep off in class because he could not concentrate.

Having tried so many times to quit smoking, but to no avail, he gave up and embraced the drug. He became more careless about the addiction, seeing it as a normal thing. He would buy weed in large quantities and store in his room, and occasionally he would invite a few people and throw a party in his room, smoking and drinking on weekdays.

 

Consequences 

One day, he was caught by the police. He had gone to buy weed from the local dealers. Unknown to him, there were policemen in that area, stalking the dealers to see if they could catch their leader. They saw him buy the weed, and on his way out, he was arrested. It is quite usual for policemen to issues warning and release drug offenders if they were willing to part with some cash. When  Iyanu realized that he could be in police trouble, he panicked and tried to escape. The Officers restrained and dragged him to the police station. Iyanu was detained.

The policemen gave him the most severe beating he has ever received in his entire life. The inflicted wounds on him for trying to resist arrest. His parents were called and notified of the arrest. When they arrived, the police officers did not agree to grant him bail at first, insisting that he must be charged to court and remanded in prison. Luckily for him, his father had some contacts who could pull strings in the police force. After some calls and contemplations, the Divisional Police Officer (DPO) agreed to grant him bail. The condition was that his parents pay ₦100,000. They paid the money and took him home that day.

See our article on the Nigerian Police and their to deal with them
Click to read article

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Turning Points

When they got home, his parents talked to him in a manner they had never done before. He was such a good boy, or so they thought. Now they were so disappointed in him. They still loved him, but they did not trust or respect him anymore. His privacy was taken away, everything he did and everywhere he went was monitored. He was deeply sorry and ashamed of himself. If only he could go back in time, but it was too late. Only the future remains and he wanted to make his parents proud and regain their trust and respect. 

This time he was at home, he could not access weed or cigarettes, and after 2 weeks, he started experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as loss of appetite, depression and lack of sleep. He also started falling sick frequently with illnesses he had never suffered before, and he developed chest pain and peptic ulcer. The doctor prescribed some medicines for him and told him that if he was faithful to the prescription, he would be free from the illness after a few years. Otherwise, the chest pain and ulcer could develop into heart disease and cancer. So he took the medications faithfully.

 

 

How Iyanu quit smoking

 

When this happened, he was already in his final year of studies at the University. His parents requested the School Authorities to provide a copy of his grades and were duly disappointed. Iyanu had failed 7 courses which meant he would definitely not graduate with his classmates even if he passes his final exams. The final exams were coming up, but his parents refused to let him go back to school, moreover, he was not feeling well. He did not graduate that year. 

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After 3 months, he stopped experiencing the withdrawal symptoms. He was made to practice meditation and yoga in order to help him gain focus and concentration. His parents refused to pay any further school fees, instead, they deferred his admission for 3 years. They asked him to learn a skill, make some money and then he would be able to pay his own school fees whenever he was ready to return to school. They paid for him to learn computer programming, and during these times, he was not given any pocket money. He also learned how to play guitar and how to paint like a professional artist.

2 years later, Iyanu got back his life on track. He became responsible again and started planning to go back to school. Learning those skills had made him independent and he did not get the urge to smoke ever again. He totally overcame the addiction because of his parent’s discipline and support, and because he had committed to stop smoking after the terrible experience of being arrested by the police. He wanted to make his parents proud, to make up for the embarrassment he had caused them. He desperately needed to regain their trust and respect.

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Did you know?

Smoking of any kind has harmful effects on the respiratory system. Marijuana and Cigarettes contain carcinogens and nicotine respectively. These chemicals damage the respiratory system, the circulatory system, the digestive system, the immune system, and the nervous system. Although Marijuana has been particularly tested for as being beneficial for treating diseases like cancer, insomnia, and depression, there is no conclusive research for these and it is strictly reserved for patients who have received prescription for using the drug. Moreover, smoking is never a healthy way to use it. Cigarettes, on the other hand, are pure poison with no benefits whatsoever. Both products should be avoided.

 

TIPS ON HOW TO QUIT SMOKING

  1. 1. Addiction mindset: Addiction is in the mind, therefore, the first step to quitting should start from the mind. A person who wants to stop smoking must make a decision to quit for good. Even if you fail at your resolve, do not give up.
  2. Stay Motivated: The decision to quit could be for any reason that is right. It could be for health, academic, professional or social reasons, but make sure you are doing it for you, not because of someone else. Doing it for someone else may not always hold water, except that person is always there to watch you and/or your love and commitment to that person is profound. In my experience, only Jesus, Allah, a spouse or family could qualify for these. Sometimes though, death and distance can separate you from a spouse or family. All in all, it’s best you quit for yourself.
  3. Dispose of all accessories and tools which you used for smoking.
  4. Avoid people and places you know could tempt you or bring back memories of being high.
  5. Divert your time and attention to doing something else. Something you enjoy doing and requires concentration. It could be a hobby such as drawing and painting, or a skill like learning a musical instrument.
  6. Play games like chess, checkers, Monopoly, Whot or Ludo.
  7. Change environment. Relocate to a different place where you will be away from all associations and memories you may have formed from smoking and getting high.
  8. Pray and read the Word of God. Participate in spiritual activities and join a religious group that is not judgemental or hypocritical, but loving and supportive.
  9. Practice meditation and yoga. Also, get involved in physical activities and exercise regularly. If possible, hire a trainer and create a gym goal that you must achieve with the trainer.
  10. Seek external help, eg going to a therapist or psychologist who can help you to quit smoking.
  11. Use E-cigarettes or Vaporizers instead of smoking. Make sure you avoid tobacco and cannabis flavors and herbs and use vaporizers that are mainly made of ceramic or glass even though they are usually more expensive. You could use mint and rosemary flavors or herbs, or other flavors and herbs that are beneficial to the health. Only use this option if you are certain or you have a system of checks to make sure that you don’t buy tobacco or cannabis flavors, and ensure to buy quality vape pens made of glass or ceramic.
  12. Get an extra job or a part-time job to keep you busy.
  13. Spend more time with family and friends, people you love and those who also love and support you.
  14. Avoid alcohol altogether, or only drink once in a long while, and when you do, don’t go more than drinks having more than 7% alcoholic content at a sitting. Alcohol serves as a trigger for the urge to smoke and there is always a mental association created between drinking and smoking.

 

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How to break from a relationship

It might be to that point where things do not seem to have a headway in a relationship. Have you thought about breaking up?

Now you may think I’m some angel of bad news, but nothing is as bad as enduring a bad relationship. Let us get somethings straight, dating someone is not the same as being married to them, those are two different things. We are talking about people who have not bound themselves up in matrimony. At this point, you like the person so much to want to be in a relationship with them. As with most things in life, none last forever.

You might not be happy with your partner, you feel abused, exploited or you have a change of mind about the relationship, it is not going to be easy to break up that relationship. This doesn’t mean you will keep on in the relationship; it’s best that a breakup occurs. We would like to explore some ways people can end such relationships while avoiding a likely backlash.

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For some persons, a decision and outright pronouncement is made and the relationship is over. They go away and move on. For others, it is a more delicate matter. It takes months of preparation and planning. For such persons, it would be best to perceive breakup as a journey and for which I would like to suggest the following points.

1. Reflect

Think clearly about this decision and how you would like to do it. I mean, the words to say and how you say them. Do not be irrational or sentimental, it is a decision about the heart.

2. Choose a location and meet with them.

This is important, so both of you can meet. If you are worried about safety (because some partners can become emotional and harmful) do it in a public place. You can go with someone if it makes you feel safe.

3. Do it physically, in their presence.

This is important as it gives you some psychological strength to move on. Also, it confers on you some dignity and respect and it shows respect for the other person. This isn’t a declaration of a Cold war. Do not text or ask a friend to do it, do it in person.

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4. Speak plainly.

Do not use ambiguous statements or go around in circles. Tell the person what is on your mind so as to avoid passing the wrong message. Don’t say ‘… let us just be friends…’ or ‘… let us take a break…’ Call it what it is.

5. Be resolved.

Stick to what you have decided to do. It is understood that it is not an easy decision. But remember, not all things which matter in life are easy. There will be moments when you wish you haven’t done it, miss the person or feel too much pain that you want to undo what is done. If you want to move on, stand by your word.

 

6. Seek support.

Seek it from friends and close family members. Not all of life’s burdens should be borne alone; cry, listen to music, stay with friends and do fun things. This way, moving on is easier.

Do not continue to in that relationship if it becomes a burden. Such relationships have been implicated as a cause of depression and suicides. Look on the bright side and make a move. After the breakup, do not feel bad, depressed like you are the worst person on earth. Pick up and move on. Seek support from friends and family who understand and keep believing. You can find love again!

All things Mentors and Mentees should know.

Who is a mentor?

You may not know it, but you are a mentor of some sort. A Mentor is just a person that other persons look up to. A more formal definition of mentoring is the process of the informal transmission of knowledge, social capital, and the psychosocial support perceived by the recipient as relevant to their work career or professional development. Mentorship is a relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. That’s a pretty broad definition of mentoring. Mentors are entrusted with such roles as a guide, confidant, and champion. They have the experience to understand you’re a person’s current developmental situation and assist with useful, reliable and constructive feedback. The person accessing the services of a mentor is a mentee.

People are different and so are the forms of relationships that exist between them. Depending on every possible correlate; gender, age, location, culture, religious or political affiliations, social, educational and economic status, the nature of each mentorship experience must be carefully developed. In this article, we shall discuss types of mentors. Afterwards, we look at the roles and responsibilities of mentors and mentees. Then, we shall explore some tips on how to choose a mentor. Finally, we shall conclude with some insights on how to make the best out of a mentoring relationship.

 

 

Types of Mentors

A common worry for many people is, whether it is alright to have more than one mentor. In my opinion, I would say, absolutely. It is a good practice that should be encouraged. One could have a primary mentor and a number of secondary mentors or co-mentors whom you consult for more specialized issues such as academics, career, research, life, co-mentors in a specific field, etc. It should be clear what each mentor’s expertise is so to maximize the learning experience. For instance, if you want a career mentor, find someone who is already working in your field of interest. That way, they can provide helpful mentoring based on their exposure.

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A mentoring relationship does not have to be for life. Thus, you may have to switch between mentors and will accumulate quite a number in your lifetime. This is normal as you may outgrow the expertise of a mentor. For instance, when students in the Primary School get promoted to a higher class, they abandon some of their old teachers for newer ones. Think of it this way. When you switch jobs, e.g. from the banking sector to academia so will your mentor except if s/he has experience in both fields. In some cases, former mentees have risen to become mentors to their past mentors.

 

 

Roles and Responsibilities of Mentors

  • Mentors must make time for their mentees and should grant direct access to themselves despite their busy schedules.
  • It’s also their responsibility to help mentees achieve their goals.
  • Mentors should be specific about what services they can provide and at what pace.
  • Communication between mentors and mentees must always be clear. Mentees should be open about their experiences and needs and it is the responsibility of the mentor to ensure that mentees feel comfortable having these conversations. Listen patiently and make time for mentees to talk about their issues. Mentors should never be dismissive but find ways to provide constructive feedback.
  • Mentors should also help mentees develop the essential skills and set appropriate goals. These goals could include thinking about the next step in your career advancement. Building a relationship by working together on a project is a good wat to achieve this.
  • Mentors should get to know other aspects of a mentee’s life—their interests, family, and so on. This depends on the mentees’ willingness to disclose this information.
  • Mentors also need to share their successes and failures. It helps the mentee to see them as human. Encourage them to do the same.
  • Growing your professional networks should be another important role that mentors must play.
  • Mentors should avoid dictating choices or controlling a mentees behavior. A good mentor is never afraid of making referrals to other mentors who have better exposure than them. It is also alright to allow mentees to choose a path different from that of the mentor. Mentors should also encourage and respect the choices of their mentees.
  • Finally, every mentor needs mentoring too. That way they stay up to date with happenings in their own fields and also improve their mentoring capacity.

 

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Roles and Responsibilities of Mentees

  • Mentees must be responsible for setting the terms for the relationship from the beginning.
  • Mentees take the lead in setting up meetings with the mentor and asking questions.
  • Be teachable! Mentees must be willing to learn new things, accept suggestions and not shy away from criticisms.
  • Identify your needs. Mentors do not possess miraculous powers for figuring out what a mentee needs. You might know what you want but not how to achieve it, then the mentor can provide some guidance.
  • Be considerate of your mentor’s time. Prepare for each meeting and if possible share your topics and queries before the meeting. Be direct and always keep to time. This implies that if you have to cancel a meeting, you must inform your mentor in advance.
  • Honor the commitment. Be hardworking and try to match your mentor’s commitment to your personal development.
  • Anticipate support from your mentor, but not miracles. No one creates changes overnight.
  • Communicate clearly. Ask questions when you are in doubt about any issues. Document and share the outcomes of conversations to ensure that all parties have similar understanding and conclusions.

 

 

How to Choose a Mentor

There is no mentor market and if there were, you wouldn’t find the best mentors there. The simple reason is that great mentors are busy working on their dreams. Mentors don’t go out in search of mentees. That would be a rarity. Mentees must seek out mentors which could be quite daunting.

Finding the right mentor is the most important thing to do when a mentoring relationship is sought. If you find the wrong mentor, the whole relationship collapses, and you would have lost precious time and courage to trust future mentors. Recommendations from current mentors and associates can be helpful. The correct mentor must be interested in your personal and professional development. A person with a track record of success in mentoring others is desirable.

 

 

Common Myths to avoid when choosing a mentor

All things in life have associated myths. Myths are beliefs about things that are not true. Myths could be made up for cultural reasons but have no scientific or factual basis. They apply to beliefs about mentors and mentees. Find them below:

 

  1. The best mentors are the same sex and race. Mentorship is best where interests are similar and has nothing to do with race or sex.
  2. The more experienced and senior mentors are best. A committed inexperienced mentor is always better than an important one. A great relationship between mentor and mentee will build a lasting impression over age or experience.
  3. Mentees learn from mentors. Learning is always a bidirectional, not a unidirectional process. Mentors also learn from mentees.
  4. Mentors know best. As a matter of fact, they don’t!
  5. Mentees know best. Same as above!
  6. I’m too junior to have a mentee. Everyone can have mentees.
  7. I’m too senior to have a mentor. No one is above learning and all persons must subject themselves to mentorship.

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The 4 Cs for choosing the right mentor.

This is a formula I have found to be very helpful. The 4 Cs stand for competent, confident, committed and Click.

A competent mentor is knowledgeable and experienced in their professional field. They have to be respectable persons with a great personality, interpersonal skills, and good judgment.

Confidence is a must in the sense that mentors are not wary of their mentees. They must be willing to share their knowledge, skills, and resources especially contacts. This also entails confidence in mentee’s abilities, sharing credit with them and also putting mentees first.

Good mentors must show commitment by investing time and energy in someone else. Finally, there is no mentoring relationship without a Click. This implies the ability of both parties to get along with each other, understanding each other, and communicating effectively. With these four Cs in place, a mentorship relationship is sure to blossom.

 

Official SEVICS website meerkat-3792689_1920 All things Mentors and Mentees should know. Personal Development  role model mentorship guide

Tips on how to Sustain a Mentorship Relationship

  • Make the goals of the mentoring relationship, whether it’s for career development or project-specific clear from the very beginning. You could start by creating a contract which specifies expectations from both parties. Click here to download our template of a Mentorship Agreement Form or Mentorship Contract.
  • Mentor/mentee relationship is not for life but be sure to end it on a cordial note. Who knows where you run into each other afterward.
  • Take note of each other’s cultural perspective or dynamics. For example, in some cultures, people are more direct and in other cultures, people may find this rude. There may be other issues pertaining to food, place of meetings, greetings (shake hands, kiss or no contact) or even dressing that may be offensive. Best to avoid any sources of discomfort in order to make the best of the relationship.
  • Patience on the part of the mentor is a must. Mentees who feel frustrated by their mentors must exercise some self-restraint.
  • Have other mentors who are not in your mentor’s circle and seek second opinions when a mentor is making troubles.

Overcome Failure and become a super success story

The essence of success

Stories of successful people motivate us. They strike a fire in our hearts, gives us a sense of direction, models to emulate, a path to follow, a plan of action and the list goes on. In general, it does different things to different persons but all pushes to one goal: the goal of becoming successful so that we will have our stories told to the unborn.

Success stories are everywhere: in places of worship; at work; in buses; markets; music videos. They adorn the lips of men and the bodies of women. Success has become idolized; a sort of demigod everyone finds some affiliation to in a bid to allow some of its magic rub off.

 

Well, here are some tips on how to become a successful person.

  • Go to bed very late every day and rise up early: you will see yourself doing a lot of work and making great efforts to reach your goal. To help keep awake, drink lots of coffee.
  • Alienate your friends and family: if they would be a source of distraction, why not!
  • No birthdays, hangouts with friends or any of such: time is precious.
  • Try to imitate the mannerisms of your favorite successful person: if you have to be like them, you have to learn to talk like them.
  • Don’t worry about your looks, they are not important: this is not the time for that.
  • Do not care a lot about food.
  • Work hard, harder and harder: if you don’t, how would you succeed?
  • You do not need your colleagues: this race is individual, personal.
  • Learn to walk with determination: it gives you that success attitude.

 

When you have attained your desired level of success, you will need to share your story with people around whether friend or foe. The following hints will help you transmit the story better.

  • Learn the ancient art of theatricality: stories are nothing without some drama. You will need it.
  • Learn to dress fashionably: this is important as it makes the listener convinced that you have truly “arrived”.
  • Learn to be humble: it’s important to show your listeners to know that they can connect with you.
  • Improve your vocabulary: you will need this a lot especially when you must create some intense moment and polish some grey areas.
  • Join a group of like minds, like a success group.
  • Never show your bad habits in public, you will lose respect.
  • Always exude an air of confidence and control, like you can control time and have no worries.
  • Walk closely with social media and learn her vocabulary: it would help you connect with the younger generation and give you a timeless appeal.

 

 

Now to the real story.

Success is a measure calculated in the amount of impact made in other people’s lives. It is not the position we want, the physical acquisitions, the spouse and children. Life is a journey, not a destination, which is, though odd, enjoyed when the odds are against us, that there will always be lonely nights and busy days. Success is a fleeting thing just as money is because a person who is deemed successful today might become a pauper tomorrow.

Why should anyone alienate others on their quest for success in their chosen field of endeavor? Success is not a lonely journey, everyone we meet on our journey brings us a step closer to our goal. And without good health, moments of bliss such as when we hit a goal, will not be enjoyed.

It’s not about the goals we achieve, the things we acquire or the length of time we have spent on earth. It’s the impact we have made, the lives we have accompanied, the souls we have touched.