3 Steps to end violence in your relationship today

Conflicts and chances of violence are nearly inevitable in any relationship. People are diverse and our differences will lead to misunderstanding and confrontations. The problem is often not the existence of confrontation because that is natural, but how people respond. Angry responses often lead to more anger. This makes it pertinent to learn how to end violence of all sorts in your relationship. There are three steps to end violence in your relationship. Let’s call them primary, secondary and tertiary steps. In this article, you will learn what happens at each step and how best to respond. Specific information on how best to tackle events at each step will be discussed below.


Step 1: Primary Step to end violence in a relationship – Preventing

At the Primary step, telltale signs are beginning to emerge. There are no incidents yet but both parties cannot deny the presence of some tension in the relationship. What to do at this stage is to prevent existing tension from escalating further. There are four things that could be done at this stage. First, is to move away from the point of stimulus. The sooner a person can move away from the other partner, far enough to avoid contact or any interactions the better. Second is to change any behaviours that may trigger disagreement as far as is possible. Examples of some behaviours that can make conflicts worse include talking back, raising voices or getting in a partner’s face during an argument.

Third, learning and sharing great knowledge of each other. When romantic partners talk more and discover truths about each other, their tolerance levels grow. There are religions, programs and groups that encourage reading certain texts among partners. These practices are good and teach intimate partners how to end violence in relationships. Fourth; there are some skills that will help a person to be more relaxed in the face of confrontation. The components of the primary step are within the individual’s control and do not involve professional help.


Step 2: Secondary Step to end violence in a relationship – Managing

The Secondary Step refers to the first response to a violent incident in a relationship. It is often normal in relationships for partners to feign that previous incidents did not happen or are a one-time error. The first part of managing violence in a relationship is to admit that it happened. This initial denial is the reason why it would repeat again and again till it becomes the norm. The key component of this step is to prevent further damage. Interventions that limit the chances of further damage are paramount here and include anger management classes, ending the relationship or even making official reports to law enforcement.

[bctt tweet=”Once violence has occurred in a relationship, it is not to be contained or concealed. There is no shame in employing help from professionals.” username=”sevicsng”] Counsellors and other experts can help partners to decide what the next step in their relationship should be. Ending an abusive relationship is also an important step to take where counselling fails.


Step 3: Tertiary Step to end violence in a relationship – Aftercare

This is long-term care that provides support for the victims of violence. Women and men coming out of an abusive relationship take long periods to heal from the hurt they feel. A study reports that interventions at this level are the most common in comparison to the other steps. It emphasizes the treatment due to both perpetrator and the victim. The victim might require care from clinical and psychological professionals. Adequate documentation of the incident has to be made and shared with the perpetrators. What’s in the best interest of the victim is all the right nursing till they return to optimum physical, emotional, psychological and mental health. The perpetrator must also receive some treatment. These could be related to mental health where the person suffers some imbalance. Extant laws in the region should be employed to prosecute perpetrators of intimate partner violence. This should not be taken lightly.

A new proactive approach to preventing violence in relationships is acting on the theory that violence is a learned behaviour. Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (PCADV) Website asserts that violence can be learned from parents, caregivers, schools, friends, communities, media, local, state, and national policies. All the parties listed above reflect how people treat others. Where such learning has occurred, such violent behaviours must be unlearned and replaced with healthier behaviours. Such programs target youth who have been exposed to violence. Even when the youth has not been exposed to violence, it is still beneficial to teach them healthy, non-violent behaviours.

Finally, it is important to create protocols for managing violence in relationships. This is not an issue for individuals alone but must become a societal issue. [bctt tweet=”Stricter penal consequences must befall people who abuse others. This is the only way safe societies can be ensured. Do you agree?” username=”sevicsng”]

Michael Ukwuma

Michael Ukwuma

Michael is a Project Manager with years of experience in nonprofits and managing startups. He shares what he has learnt over time with like-minded persons. He gives classes to persons who plan a future in the nonprofits sector or as entrepreneurs.

1 Comment

  • This steps in the management of abusive relationships can it be applied in marriages, youth relationship , work places etc or is it for a particular kind of relationship

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